Anyway, for this reason, I’ll do an off-topic post with nothing to do with pens. Seeing as I’m heading back to civilisation, I’ll let people know how Aussie I am. Below the break, you can see why I have 51 no’s and 44 yes’s and a few unknowns. Apparently I’m less than half Australian, but that’s only because I’m so Melburnian.

1. Heard a kookaburra in person? —— y.
2. Slept under the stairs? —— that’s Australian? I’ve slept in a tent, I know that much…
3. Seen a koala? —— y (but I’ve never touched one; they’re far too dangerous)
4. Visited Melbourne? —— born and bred
5. Watched a summer thunderstorm? —— y
6. Worn a pair of thongs? —— yes, tho I seem to be the only one where I live nowadays who doesn’t
7. Been to Ayers Rock? —— n
8. Visited Cape York? —— I’m morally opposed to the idea of Queensland; anyway, it’s more of a foreign tourist thing to do.
9. Held a snake? —— y
10. Sang along with Khe San — never heard of it
11. Drank VB? —— a few sips. there’s better beer.
12. Visited Sydney? —— y
13. Have seen a shark? —— n
14. Have used Aussie slang naturally in a convo? —— y
15. Had an actual conversation with an Aboriginal Australian? —— n
16. Eaten hot chips from the bag at the beach? —— y
17. Walked/climed over the Sydney Harbour Bridge? —— n
18. Used an outside dunny, and checked under the seat before sitting down? —— n
19. Seen Chloe in Young & Jacksons —— n (only been to Y&J’s once before, already drunk when I got there; don’t entirely get the reference)
20. Slept on an overnight train or bus? —— yes, but I was going to Paris at the time…
21. Been to Sydney’s Mardi Gras? —— no, but there was some sort of Gay Pride parade where I live now last week
22. Have gone bush-bashing? —— y
23. Taken a sickie? —— y
24. Been to a game of Aussie rules football? —— y
25. Have seen wild camels? —— n
26. Gone skinny dipping? — n (is that Australian?)
27. Done a Tim Tam Slam? —— y
28. Ridden in a tram in Melbourne? —— I took them to bloody high school every day, and for some years to uni!
29. Been at an Anzac Day Dawn Service? —— no, but I reckon I’ll try for the one in France next year
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset? —— what kind of questions are these?
31. Held a wombat? —— n
32. Been on a roadtrip of 800 km or more? —— y
33. Seen the Great Australian Bight in person? —— n
34. Had a really bad sunburn? —— y
35. Visited an Aboriginal community? —— n
36. Seen a redback spider? —— n
37. Have watched Paul Hogan? —— n (I assume this is negatively oriented)
38. Seen Blue Poles in person? —— n
39. Wandered barefoot in the bush/outback? —— n
40. Eaten Vegemite? —— y
41. Thrown a boomerang? —— yes, it didn’t come back
42. Seen the Kimberleys? —— n
43. Given a hitch-hiker a lift? —— n
44. Been to Perth? —— n
45. Have tried Lemon Lime and Bitters? —— y
46. Tried playing a didgeridoo? —— y
47. Seen dinosaur footprints? —— I have a vague recollection I have
48. Eaten Tim Tams? —— y
49. Been to Darwin? —— n
50. Touched a kangaroo? —— can’t remember, but a couple days before I left Australia I scared the living daylights out of one, and probably could’ve (the poor thing was sleeping next to a bike track)
51. Visited the Great Barrier Reef? —— I still don’t believe in Queensland
52. Listened to Kevin Bloody Wilson? —— never bloody heard of him
53. Killed a cane toad? —— n
54. Gone to a drive in cinema? —— yes, but I always thought these were more American
55. Have read and own books by Australian authors? —— y
56. Visited Adelaide? —— n
57. Know the story behind “Eternity”? —— n
58. Been camping? —— y
59. Visited Brisbane? —— thankfully, no
60. Been in an outback pub? —— n
61. Know what the term “Waltzing Matilda” actually means? —— y
62. Gone whale watching? —— n
63. Listened to Slim Dusty? —— n
64. Own five or more Australian movies or tv series? —— n
65. Sang along to Down Under? —— n
66. Have stopped specifically to look at a historic marker by the side of the road? —— n
67. Eaten a Four’n'twenty pie? —— I’m more of a pastie/sausage roll kinda person
68. Surfed at Bondi? —— n
69. Watched the cricket on Boxing Day? —— y
70. Visited Hobart? —— y
71. Eaten kangaroo? —— that’s actually more popular (by kg, not kg/capita) where I live then in Australia, but still, yes, in both countries
72. Seen a quokka? —— yes, but in a zoo
73. Visited Canberra? —— y
74. Visited rainforests? —— yes, but only temperate ones
75. Used a Victa lawnmower? —— maybe
76. Travelled on a tram in Adelaide? —— n
77. Used a Hills hoist? —— y
78. Visited the Olgas? —— n
79. Used native Australian plants in cooking? —— n
80. Visited the snow? —— yes, and people where I live find it funny when I say that
81. Chosen a side in Holden vs Ford? —— n
82. Visited the desert? —— n
83. Been water skiing? —— n
84. Read The Phantom? —— n
85. Visited Parliament House? —— yes, in Melbourne, Canberra and Edinburgh, plus I’ve seen the outside of the ones in Sydney and London, and some other buildings whose name can be translated the same
86. Gone spotlighting or pig-shooting? —— y
87. Crossed the Nullarbor? —— n
88. Avoided swimming in areas because of crocodiles? —— n
89. Listened to AC/DC? —— y
90. Called someone a dag? —— y
91. Voted in a Federal Election? —— twice, and a third time in a few weeks
92. Have been swimming and stayed between the flags? —— y
93. Had a possum in your roof? —— yes, I also had to take one out of my sister’s cupboard one very early morning at 2am.
94. Visited the outback? —— n
95. Travelled over corrugated roads? —— ??
96. Hit a kangaroo while driving? —— almost, but it was on a bike, which therefore doesn’t constitute driving
97. Been well outside any mobile phone coverage? —— y
98. Seen an emu? —— y
99. Have woken to the smell of bushfires? —— no, but I’ve smelt them during the day
100. Subscribed to RRR? —— no, but I thought about it once
101. Patted a pure-bred dingo? —— n
102. Seen the Oils live? —— n

As for today, I am shortly going to leave for a plane. I hope it takes off before the end of the runway, doesn’t randomly fall out of the sky, and manages to stop before the end of the other runway. Flying for a whole (albeit foreshortened) day will mean no blog-posts tomorrow. I tell all of my two readers that.

Later that evening, someone else wanted a pen. The first pen offered was the same one, but a person closer was able to offer a pen just fast enough that the person who wanted it took it. I didn’t get a chance to see it properly, but I suppose it was a retractable ballpoint pen too.

(Btw: I’ve decided to go for daily updates from now on. It’s just difficult to find two occasions of bloggable pens a day, without repeating myself.)